The Apple Leaf

Weekly Lists: How to get this bread

Tara Dilly, Opinion Editor

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






To get this bread or not to get this bread; that is the question: whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer the debt and sadness of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing, end them. – A Shakespeare and Tara collaboration.

Let’s get this bread, an iconic saying of 2018. For all of you who don’t know what this means, it can mean anything from acquiring money to having a good day. This overall positive statement is something I wake up and say to myself every single morning. In this list, I’m going to show you the art of getting this bread in four simple steps

 

Getting this bread- morning

You just have woken up, you can feel the sleep lingering in your eyelids. Just as you’re about to fall back and hit the snooze button, you think about the bread. Time to rise and grind, baby. To acquire the bread this early in the morning is simple: all you have to do is throw some clothes on, eat leftover spaghetti for breakfast, then steal some money from your parents’ wallet. Boom! Plain and simple, you have acquired the bread.

 

Getting this bread- noon

School is the equivalent to the life of a celiac, there’s no bread at all, but once the light turns on and it’s lunch time, you know what to do. Pile into your friends car and drive to Safeway, while your friends are buying the MSG-filled Chinese food, literally buy bread. Easy, done, check, you literally got that bread.

 

Getting this bread- evening

You’ve just gotten home after a long day of school and you sit down to start your homework. Where’s the fun in that? How are you going to get this bread when you’re stuck doing gluten-free homework? Simple, all you have to do is accidentally spill a whole lot of chocolate milk on all of your assignments, throw them away, and you’re done! Bread is metaphorical happiness; homework is doing nothing but burning your toast. Throw it away!

Getting this bread- night

Okay, so the day is almost over. You’ve gotten this bread a few times by now, but just because it’s night time doesn’t mean you should stop. The last thing you need to do to attain the maximum amount of bread possible is look at yourself in the mirror and utter the words “let’s get this bread.” Just like that, you have triggered a self-fulfilling prophecy and are bound to get that bread then and forevermore.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Leave a Comment

The Apple Leaf encourages readers to engage with stories on all platforms. When posting, please keep in mind that comments should be free of libelous statements, inappropriate language, information that is not factual or is a rumor, and information that is unrelated to the story. In order for a comment to be approved, the reader must provide their full name and direct email address. All comments are subject to approval by The Apple Leaf staff prior to posting. If a comment is not approved or is removed and you have questions, please contact us.

If you want a picture to show with your comment, go get a gravatar.