Fostering hope: Jewlzz Howell recounts the struggles and disappointments of being a foster child
February 11, 2015
A 6-year-old Jewlzz Howell woke up to a morning that changed her life forever. Her mom’s boyfriend at the time told her she had to go to school, but she refused because she didn’t want to. A slap to the face, stunned and sitting alone, her mom entered the room and held her, kissing her face as an apology.
Later, she sits alone once again with her 2-year-old brother, forced to keep quiet. She hears noise from downstairs of their apartment and becomes curious of what’s going on. She leaves her brother and walks downstairs to find police and strangers. From behind, she feels an arm grab her and tells her to come with them, reassuring her everything was going to be okay.
“I honestly didn’t know what was going on because cops were there and I was used to the cops being around because my family used drugs and I was also confused because we were finally living in an apartment instead of being homeless,” Howell, a WHS sophomore said.
Senior Jewlzz Howell shares the experiences and disappointments of being a foster child since age 6.
“Cops were really nice to my brother and I and I couldn’t get it out of head when my mom was kicking and screaming for me and my brother. I couldn’t figure out why they were being nice to us but taking us away from our mom,” Howell said, “They took me to the DSHS office, a foster place, and my brother and I were there from 10 in the morning to 7 at night waiting for a family to let us into their home.”
Not liking how her foster mother treated her child, she was soon separated from her brother and forced to leave that home. The eyes of this 6-year-old, saw the aggressiveness in the foster mom and knew it wasn’t right.
“The home we were in, my brother and I shared another room with a boy. We went to daycare during the day and went to the foster home at night. Then the family gave me up because I yelled at the foster mom for punishing her biological daughter,” Howell said.
She then was transferred to another foster family, where she met and bonded with the older daughter of the foster parents. Since, the family she stayed with were much older, she was given the opportunity to live with the daughter. The disappointment and heartache filled her body when she found out the daughter had breast cancer. Sadness and void stirred in Howell and she wondered if she would ever be adopted.
Howell then moved in with a different family. They owned a farm and her new family gave her chores and tasks to do. She refused and didn’t care about the consequences. Upset with the world, and mad she had to be stuck with a family she didn’t truly want made her resentful. Depression set in even though her foster family still offered her help when she didn’t want it.
“I think for the struggles, they handled it really well and showed their love for me, even though I treated them poorly, they didn’t deserve the way I treated them,” Howell said.
Howell soon reconnected with her aunt in California and wanted to move in with her. She chose to leave the foster family she was with for four years and stayed with a temporary one until her aunt handled the paperwork. She couldn’t wait to finally be with her real family and let go of some of the sadness she felt inside.
“They didn’t give me up but my aunt came from California and tried to get me. I wanted out of the family so I lived with another until I moved to California. So things went downhill pretty quick, only there for two months, my aunt and I started fighting, We didn’t get along at all. My uncle said it was because we had similar personalities and they clashed,” Howell said.
What keeps me alive is the hope that one day I see my brother. My motivation is my foster family and special people in my life.
— Senior Jewlzz Howell
Forced back into the foster care, Jewlzz was transferred to East Wenatchee. Her only dream and wish, to be adopted, came back into the light when she met with a family who promised to adopt her. Before this family, she was staying with another one but they weren’t looking into adoption. She was ecstatic and happy that a family she truly liked wanted her. She moved in with them and everything was perfect in her eyes.
“In January of last year, 2014, I found a letter my foster mom sent to my foster dad saying she couldn’t handle the stress of handling a teenage daughter. She was jealous of the attention I got from her kids and husband. I found it on the computer and printed it off and showed it to my counselor,” Howell said.
Howell finally gave up on the dream of adoption. Hate and sorrow built up in her, for every promise, for every family who didn’t work out, soon resulting in not wanting to live in this world.
“I decided to end my life, so I overdosed on prescribed pills, then I ended up in the ER and they sent me to a recovery hospital for nine days,” Howell said. “I moved into my last home on Feb. 11 and it has almost been a year. We don’t talk about adopting because I’ve had four people that promised so I’ve lost that dream and entered reality. I’ll just age out of the foster system when I turn 18.”
Her present family works with her and helps her cope with her hardships. She now enjoys living in Wenatchee, surrounding herself with people who love and care about her. Of course the sadness will always be there, but she’s strong enough to know, this won’t ruin her.
“What keeps me alive is the hope that one day I see my brother. My motivation is my foster family and special people in my life,” Howell said.
C Porter • Feb 26, 2015 at 10:07 am
Jewlzz,
You are brave young woman for so many reasons…for navigating the system, for making sense of the grey and finding the bright, for surviving circumstances out of your control, for sharing your story. You have a family–the kindred spirits of other foster youth, of alumnae of the foster care system that have come before you and advocates in your school and community. We are here, you are not alone. As you build your own life in the days, months, years, decades to come you will also build a family filled with love and respect and support. Be patient for it. As foster kids we understand that family doesn’t come from birth or blood, court orders or adoptions–family comes from the people around us that become friends and in time become family.
You have a bright future. I know this because your story is not unlike my own. I know you have the chance to break the cycle, the chance to beat the statistics, the chance to thrive. You are bright and brave.
CB • Feb 13, 2015 at 8:04 pm
Take a deep breath because foster homes don’t define the rest of your life. I’ve been there, as a foster child until I graduated from high school. At that point I realized that whatever happened to me as a child was really out of my control, but once I turned 18, everything changed. I was in charge of my life and responsible for not making the same mistakes the adults around me had made.
From that realization grew strength…strength not to follow the crowd, strength to be the best I could be at whatever the task at hand. And, most importantly, the strength not to allow myself to be used by anyone – adults on power trips, guys seeking a quick thrill, anyone needing an enabler. Nope, from that moment on I sought out people I could respect and who would respect me. Fast forward many years. Married for four decades to a guy who is still my best buddy and who has never raised his voice or hand to me, two wonderful daughters who have grown up in a stable home where they knew they were cherished, and a challenging career that allows me to be independent and creative.
Jewlzz, YOU can do it too, with determination you will one day look back on these troublesome years as the ones that made you stand tall. Someone once said, “We learn our best lessons from our worst teachers, becasue we learn how NOT to be.” Hang in there, know that far better things await you as long as you keep your head on straight.
Another favorite saying…”Unless someone can look into the core of your heart, and see the degree of your passion, or look into the depths of your soul and see the extent of your will, then they have no business telling you what you can or cannot achieve. Because while they may know the odds, they do not know You. Nor do they know the power of your angels.” ~ Sandra Kring
Kari DeMarco • Feb 12, 2015 at 8:30 pm
Way to go, Jewlzz! So proud of you for sharing your story! You represent soooo many kids, way too many. But I know you a little bit, and I know you have a strong spirit that is getting you through all of this. Thanks for daring to make people aware of the need for great foster families, whether they ever intend to adopt or not. (Sometimes you little buggers just grow on us!)