For every day I have been to school, a loud voice has come on the intercom and abruptly told me to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance. A seemingly normal act, is now something I dread.

The Pledge of Allegiance was originally written in 1892 by Fracis Bellamy, a baptist minister. The original pledge read, “I pledge allegiance to my flag and the republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.” It wasn’t till 1923 when the phrase “my flag” was changed to “the flag of the United States of America.” In 1954 congress added “under God” and the Pledge of Allegiance has stayed the same since.

The Pledge of Allegiance was intended to unify the U.S. and bring citizens together, but as I stand with my hand over heart, I can’t help but wonder if that’s what the U.S. still stands for.

With the current state the U.S. is in, I find myself reluctant to stand in support for my country. The words “with liberty and justice for all” mean freedom and fairness for every person in the nation. Every. Single. Person. But every person does not have freedom in the U.S right now. “Indivisible” saying the country will not split into smaller parts. But the constant tension between political parties, beliefs, etc has carved deep holes in the nation’s so called, “unity.”

I’m not one to be told what to do. In fact, I tend to run in the opposite direction of authority. That makes being forced to stand up and sing the words of the country that much more unappealing. How can you ask someone to devote themselves to their country, when their country has done everything but be a unified nation.

As a freshman, my first period was French. The ding of the loud speaker would come on and I would stay seated because I was mentally in France. Unless they started playing the French national anthem, I was staying seated. As a sophomore, I sat in English class as the intercom turned on. But unlike my French teacher, my English teacher required us to stand. This required me to face the words of the pledge and truly consider if it’s something I still support.

After long consideration and many mornings where I stood silent, I’ve come to the realization that I no longer see my country in the words of the pledge. With the active hate, violence, discrimination and so much more that the U.S. is portraying, I do not resonate with my country. I do not believe the Pledge of Allegiance represents my country. And I certainly do not believe I can stand in silence to support the dystopian environment I call my country.